Hot Toddy!

The other night, I was introduced to one of the more amazing (and possibly my new favourite) sick/cold weather drinks I've ever encountered.  I've had whiskey neat, on the rocks, mixed with Coke/root beer/ginger ale, and a few other ways, but Monday, I learned a lesson about the true depth of whiskey possibility.  Apparently, it can be mixed with spices, condiments, and fruit and then heated!  The drink I'm describing is of course the "Hot Toddy."

There are several different ways to make it, and I plan to experiment with different things.  However, the one I had is going to be tough to beat.  It had whiskey, hot water, cloves, sugar, and lemon.  That said, I'd bet that honey and cinnamon would be amazing substitutes.  If you have any suggestions as to what you think might be good and/or that you know is good from experience, I'd love to hear!


-FSG

The Thanksgiving Story

Often, history books falsify and sensationalize the story of the first Thanksgiving, so in the spirit of academic honesty, I would like to share with you the history not told.  Buckle your seatbelt, and throw your predispositions out the window, because you're in for a bumpy ride.

The story begins with a bunch of people wearing bonnets and hats with buckles boarding a boat, so they got that part right.  However, the full name of the ship was not the "Mayflower."  There was more to it.  The vessel that would take these fashion visionaries was known in its day as "May 'The Silver Dome' Flower."  Back in the day, each ship had an exercise room, and so that is often what was used to differentiate the boats.  It's a little known fact, but the May "The Silver Dome" Flower had a sister ship that went as "May 'Dallas Stadium' Flower."  However, this boat was filled with obnoxious people who refused to wear buckles on their hats, so they were sent away and wound up sailing South never to be heard from again.

Anyway, the one that has been come to be known as the Mayflower, i.e., May "The Silver Dome" Flower, finally reached land and began to settle in.  These people were such amazing farmers that they had a ridiculous overabundance of corn, potatoes, squash, etc., and when winter came, they knew it would all spoil, so they were in a tough spot.  It was at this point when Squanto entered into the story.  He came to the Pilgrims to try to understand their issues and help them.  As he approached, the settlers offered him a great deal of food if he could assist them in the use of theirs.  As is common knowledge, Squanto and his tribesmen and women had no issues growing their own food, so Squanto only accepted the offer so that when he helped the Pilgrims, they would not feel like such freeloading jerks.

Anyway, the two parties started a fire over which they would talk, and Squanto would share his wisdom.  He began, "My people have had this issue for many years after bountiful harvests."  The Pilgrims drew nearer, hanging on every word.  The Chief continued, "We have found a way to prevent spoilage that will occur due to global warming when winters are not cold.  We have invented a new type of garb that allows for increased consumption of our bounty.  We call them stretchy pants."  He then spent several hours explaining the concept and the production process of stretchy pants, and the Pilgrims bought in.  They made their own, and they realized a greatly expanded capability of gluttony.

Henceforth, because Squanto shared the idea of stretchy pants, Thanksgiving has been the great American holiday of coming together and eating ourselves stupid.

Happy and safe Thanksgiving to all,
FSG

Latins and Outs

For some reason, at least seven times today, I have experienced people improperly using Latin abbreviations in an effort to sound more sophisticated.  Since this is a little petpeeve of mine, I decided to discuss the difference between "i.e." and "e.g." in today's post.

i.e.
This is the abbreviation for "id est" meaning "that is."  Thus, it is used when you are clarifying something or rephrasing what you've just said.

e.g.
This abbreviation stands for "exempli gratia" meaning "for example."  Intuitively, this abbreviation is used before examples of whatever you're discussing.

Examples:

I love watching AFC North football, i.e., smashmouth football in cold weather.
I love watching AFC North football, e.g., Steelers vs. Ravens.

Lawyers drive fancy cars, i.e., cars with all the bells and whistles.
Lawyers drive fancy cars, e.g., Mercedes Benz and BMW.


Please, for the sake of my sanity, use these properly in the future, and spread the word!  Please do not post comments purposely confusing the two for the sake of annoying me...


-FSG

Get Rich Quick Scheme!

The other day, I was driving down a small town road in a 25 mph zone, and I saw something that inspired a get rich quick idea.  It's so elegant and simple that I'm ashamed I didn't devise it sooner.  Surely, you've driven through intersections where firefighters held up boots asking for change to fund the station.  Well, I witnessed something similar, yet subtly different.  As I was driving, I saw two people holding up buckets asking for change.  However, the buckets had no indication of what the cause they were raising funds for was, and they were wearing reflective vests, so even if they were wearing shirts of an organization, nobody would have known.  However, most cars stopped, rolled down their windows, and poured change into the containers.

The fact that people blindly donated to the mystery cause is the focal point of my idea.  Why can't I just stand in an intersection asking people for money?  Some may call this panhandling, but they are oversimplifying things to a degree with which I am uncomfortable.  There are many differences, so before you label me as a hobo, consider the following:

1.  No hobo I've ever seen has parking cones.
2.  No hobo I've ever seen has reflective vests.
3.  I would not even mildly consider spitting on a windshield and washing it off with newspaper.
4.  I would require that my employees shower daily.

To be fair, I will note one similarity, namely that the money raised would go to the purchase of beer.
If you still don't believe that this scheme is little more than begging, at least have the decency to refer to my idea as "White Collar Panhandling."  I also hope that if you refuse to acknowledge the difference between what I'm proposing and begging, you at least recognize that you're jealous that I thought of it first.


-FSG

Watered Down Logic

Courtesy of The Telegraph, I present to you this little nugget of news coming out of the EU.  For once, news coming from this region is unrelated to the debt crisis (although, given what happened, it wouldn't have been hard to predict that many EU members would be in such trouble financially).  A few days ago, the European Union banned the claim that water consumption is an effective way to prevent dehydration.  Per the article, the EU regulators claimed (after three years of research, mind you) that there was no evidence that water can effectively combat dehydration.  As a result, any bottled water manufacturer that makes this claim on its label can face up to two years in prison!

My theory behind this "finding" and law is the following (and I'm just trying to find their line of logic here):

1. There is dehydration in Europe.
2. Europe is under water (financially).
3. If Europe is under water, and there is still dehydration, then water does not prevent dehydration.
4. Water does not prevent dehydration.


-FSG

Dilbert!!!

Growing up, I was never a kid who loved the comics section of newspapers, but recently, I have begun to read Dilbert religiously.  It's witty, it's funny, his tie sticks up in a bizarre direction, and some days, it's downright dead-on accurate!  Today may or may not be one of those days:




-FSG

Hey, Guy

I think I might start calling people "Guy" in casual conversation in the near future.  I find inspiration in its deindividualizing nature.  It's cold, it's calculating, and it's delightfully arrogant.  Further, if used in the proper situations, it can be hilarious.  For example, consider George Oscar Bluth when he says, "Why don't you call it a 'GOB,' guy?" discussing a candied apple on the boardwalk.  There is no way the line would have been as good if GOB had called the apple merchant "fellow," "friend," or even "muchacho."  The dubbing would have been either too familiar or too combattive in nature for it to work.

Long story short, I hope you enjoyed reading this, guy.


-FSG