Friday, December 31, 2010

Rights Not Enumerated?

Yesterday, I was watching a few episodes of Man v. Food: The Meat Chronicles with a close friend from college.  The meats presented to him at each establishment (and thus to me on my screen vicariously through him) were tantalizing to say the least.  There was steak that sizzled with a nice sear on the outside and a magnificent pinkness on the inside.  There were burger patties that served as a bed for a cornucopia of other meats.  Bacon, Canadian bacon, pastrami, grilled ham...These among many other things graced my television screen and forced reflexive salivation.

While all these images gave me ideas (imprinted griddle marks upon my imagination, if you will), one stood out to me above all others.  He showed a pit roast.  An entire pig was slow roasted till the meat fell of the bones to the degree where the bones were completely bare...not an ounce of oinker stuck.  Then, they heaped this delicious looking pulled pork onto a bun with bacon and ham.  So, naturally, I got an idea.  I grabbed my apartment lease and started reading through it.  Apparently, nowhere in it does it specify that I cannot dig a roasting pit in front of my apartment!  So now, I'm trying to determine whether I have the right to do this.  I maintain that rights not enumerated in my lease ought not be construed as a lack of those rights, and there's precedent for my belief.  The 9th Amendment of the United States Constitution backs up my claim:

"The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people."

If a federal judge were to consider this, I would assume they would go with Stare Decisis, and the

What do you think?

Piggy pit or standard soil?
Piggy Pit
Standard Soil free polls


Thursday, December 30, 2010

Mighty Mullet Saves the World...

...from Space Invaders that are attacking the work computer system!!!


Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Albino Turtle Spotting

Well, the snow that fell wasn't ideal for packing on Monday (save for a few well timed snowballs), so we had to go with a less bipedal snow being than originally planned.  I present to you pictures of the world famous (kinda) Snow Turtle!

I'm trying to decide between a few names...Which do you think he should be named?

What's the Turtle's rightful name?
Other (please post in comments) free polls


Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Emerging from My Cave

I have finally entered the 21st century!  I bid on an item on ebay last week, and I won.  Today, my shiny, new (well...somewhat faded and over 90 years old) Walking Liberty Half dollar came in the mail!  I don't win very many of my bids because I only bid up to the melt price of the coins on which I bid (minus shipping, so the whole purchase equals the melt price).  In fact, I only win about 1 in 15, which is fine because I will buy, but I will do so at my price.

I'm kind of new to this whole precious metals thing though, so I'm looking for tips and hints to buying/saving/storing.  I know at least one of you will suggest diversifying my metals between silver, gold, and lead (you know who you are).  Any other tips?


Monday, December 27, 2010


Well, in light of the massive storm blanketing the East coast, I have a snow day tomorrow.  Hearing the wind whipping outside my window with its primordial howl, I feel like a kid again, and as such, I figured I would compile a list of some of my favourite ways to have spent snow days when I was younger as well as some ideas for ways to celebrate now.

Probably the most vivid memory I have from snow days is going out sledding in the back yard then coming inside to warm up and watching Dumb and Dumber with a whole bag of Pixie Sticks with my sister.  I can pretty much quote the whole movie as a result.  In fact, just as a mini-teaser, take a moment to listen to the epic opening riffs.

Others include:
1. Sledding at a local elementary and my mom getting stuck in a huge snow pile and having to dig stairs to get out while my sister was convinced that we were all going to die.
2. Listening to the old clock radio eagerly hoping to hear that school was closed.
3. Hot chocolate (enough said).
4. Shoveling (this one's not terribly fond).
5. Playing spies and talking through heating vents with my sister (and her getting in trouble for quoting the aforementioned Dumb and Dumber and my mom hearing her say "bastard.").
6. Seeing cat foot prints in the snow on the back porch.

Celebrations now include some of the classics, but with added twists (read: macaroni and cheese balls).  Tomorrow, it seems long overdue to make a snow man (or snow blob as it were...Maybe a picture of it will grace these hallowed pages) and make some bacon flavoured hot cocoa.

I'd go on, but I have a long day of sculpting and frolicking merrily in the winter wonderland tomorrow, so I'm going to rest up!  In the meantime, what are some of the things you enjoyed doing/still like to do when it snows?


Saturday, December 25, 2010

Time to Play Santa

Seeing as though it is the season of giving, I'm curious to see what gifts that you gave to someone else you're most proud of.  I can't post mine just yet, as they haven't been opened at this point, but I will update in the comments section before too long.  This year, I found the perfect gift on two occasions, and I'm giddy to see the look on the recipient's face upon opening!  So let's see what you came up with...Please post your best gifts given in the comments section!

Merry Christmas,

Friday, December 24, 2010

State AND Religion? BLASPHEMY!

This was preformed a few weeks ago, and I find it both festive and kind of cool.  The orchestra in the background, the deep NJ accent doing the reading, the self-inflicted fat joke...What more could anyone ask for this Christmas Season.

For all of you like me who didn't have a ticket to the performance, I present to you "T'was the Night before Christmas" performed by the venerable governor of the great state of New Jersey, Chris Christie:

Now dash away, dash away, dash away all, and have a wonderfully merry Christmas.


Thursday, December 23, 2010

I Find Tinsel Distracting

I got a lot of problems with you people, and now you're going to hear about it!

A happy Festivus to all.  Until you pin me, Festivus is not over.  Let's RUMBLE!!!


Wednesday, December 22, 2010

"He Got Toe Jam Football."

Ever since I first heard Abbey Road, specifically "Come Together," I'd wondered what in the sweet sassy malassy "toe jam football" meant.  Before I go on with the post, I'll let the Beatles enthusiasts have a few minutes of fun: to refocus.  It has been said that the Beatles were ahead of their time.  I will go as far as to say they were 41 years ahead of their time.  I have no idea how John Lennon could have foreseen this, but today, his cryptic lyric has a concrete meaning.  I am of course referring to New York Jets head coach, Rex Ryan, his wife, and their mutual foot fetish.  More after the following footage:

I can't say for sure whether this is Rex and his wife, but I wonder a few things regardless:
1. Why in the Hell would someone make a movie like that, let alone post it on youtube?
2. I have never seen Rex Ryan stay mum on anything...Have we found the secret silence elixir?  What took so long???
3. Will this little piggy go wee wee wee all the way home after playoff "defeet?"
4. How long till place kicker, Nick Folk, sues for sexual harrassment?
5. Why does Rex Ryan look like a mix of a fat Ron White and a sober Gary Busey (if such a thing exists)?  Consider: + = ?

Tell me I'm wrong...I dare you!  Okay, so maybe that last one isn't related to the foot thing, but's been on my mind for the past year or so, and I can't keep it bottled up any longer.

Really, who cares about what the man and his wife do on the privacy of their own internet?  Hey, it's not as embarrassing as what Chris Cooley and Brett Favre did.


Tuesday, December 21, 2010

"Solar Moon"

Coinciding with the 2010 winter solstice was an event that is supposedly extremely rare.  The Earth slipped between the Sun and the Moon, casting a shadow over the moon and causing it to appear to have disappeared (if that phrase makes any sense).  Apparently, there was a lot of hoopla about this event, as the last time a lunar eclipse occurred on the winter solstice was 372 years ago.  That's right...Brett Favre was in his rookie season the last time it happened.

The thing I don't understand though is why this event was hyped the way it was.  The way I see it, it's not really anything out of the ordinary for me to not see the moon at 2:00am.  In fact, I would argue that it's far more rare for me to see the moon at that time than not to.  Call me crazy, but I don't think I'm alone with that.


Sunday, December 19, 2010

Another Sideline Incident!

It looks like the Sal Alosi (Jets coach) incident last week wasn't the only one.  In the Carolina/Atlanta game, there was more wanton disregard for sportsmanship on a punt return.  An Atlanta gunner was being blocked out of bounds, and off the bench came Tyler Brayton.  The difference is that instead of tripping the gunner, Brayton took him down with an elbow to the head.  I, for one, am not terribly surprised Brayton would do something like this.  Allow me to draw your attention to a little violation of Man Law from a few years ago to form your own conclusion:


Mighty Mullet Goes to the Meadowlands


Friday, December 17, 2010

'Tis the Season

Seeing as though we always hear about horror stories from Black Friday and some of the more heinous acts of wanton selfishness during the Christmas shopping season, I wanted to share three links telling stories of the real Christmas spirit:

Pretty amazing if you ask me.


Thursday, December 16, 2010

Obligatory Wikileaks Post

It's not often that Ron Paul and Michael Moore ever share a perspective.  When they do, it's highly newsworthy, and I would be doing the topic grave injustice by neglecting to comment.  Today: Wikileaks!

I won't go into what Wikileaks is because if you are on the internet enough to stumble upon my site, you certainly know about it already.  First off, I believe Julian Assange is an evil man with highly questionable motives.  I think he wants to see worldwide instability rather than his stated goal of openness.  In the short term, I can't see how Wikileaks wouldn't compromise the security of countless individuals as well as severely harm diplomacy.  Despite nations claiming that their views have not changed since the latest document release, I find it hard to believe that world leaders and diplomats haven't altered their views in light of seeing what some American diplomats characterize them.

However, beyond the short term effects, a few more interesting questions remain:

1.  What will the long term effects be?  Will future diplomacy always be treated as though correspondence is NOT confidential?  Will we see less frankness?  Will we see more openness?  Will this make us less safe, or will it strengthen diplomatic ties and strengthen alliances?

2.  How the supposed source of the leaks go undetected while downloading hundreds of thousands of cables?  How is it that no one noticed what was going on, and how did someone gain such high level access without sufficient questions being asked?  Are we doing anything to prevent other secrets from getting out in the future?

3.  Why is it that we only heard Eric Holder threaten to investigate and prosecute after the third set of leaks and not the first two?  I could be wrong in my recollection, but I don't recall Eric Holder taking a public stand during the first few information releases.  Then, when information about things that happened during the Obama administration, he decides to investigate to put together a case.  If that is not true, please post a link in the comments section.  If it is true, why is it so?

And now for something silly from XKCD:



When I'm bored, I tend to have rather bizarre thoughts.  Today, for example, I was wondering what the net effect on a baby's immune system would be if one or both of its parents had a cold when the baby was conceived.

I see three possibilities:

1. There is no effect.  The immune system is more a product of genes and post-conception events (health of the mother, etc.) than health at the time of conception.

2. The baby has a weaker immune system, as it was tested from the start and is more wary than kids conceived of healthy parents.

3. The baby develops an immune system filled with a brutal army of white blood cells that are strong enough to take over the world twice over.

What do you think?
No change...The Baby Slept through It
Weaker...White Blood Cells Wave the White Blood Flag
Stronger...The Baby in Question Must Have Been Chuck Norris free polls


Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Touching Moment

Monday, I was at the mall walking around to tie some Christmas shopping loose ends, and I saw something extremely moving occur right in front of me.  After purchasing a "Doggy Happy Meal," I moved on to the next store.  En route to my next destination, I was walking behind a young man in military fatigues and boots.

Coming in the opposite direction was an older gentleman in a blue jacket and a baseball cap.  As he got closer, I saw that the older man's hat had a VFW patch sewn onto it.  He looked up, and on a dime, changed his course in my direction.  A moment later, he stretched his arm toward the younger soldier and said, "Thank you, sir."  The young man shook the elder vet's hand and thanked him for all that he had done as well.

The moment was almost surreal for me...I can't seem to find the right words to describe my feelings at the time.  It was just one of the most awe-inspiring experiences I've ever had, standing there witnessing two defenders of freedom from very different generations connecting with one another as though they'd known each other forever.  They didn't have to utter a word, and yet they understood and genuinely respected one another.

-A humbled and proud MSG

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Red Light, Green Light

My daily commute involves driving through twelve intersections with traffic lights.  This morning, eleven (yes, eleven) were red.  I got to thinking what the odds of that were (as I tend to do).

For most of my commute, I am on the "main road" of any intersection.  There are only two such crossings where the roads are of equal size and traffic volume.  Since each of those has a turn arrow, I will assume that they are only green for people going in my direction about 40% of the time.  Of the remaining ten lights, only one has a turn arrow unaccompanied by a green in my direction.  For that, I will assume that it is green my way 50% of the time.  The final nine lights, I will estimate are green 55% of the time.

Since I hit a green with one of the lights in the last category, the odds of this happening are:

= .6^2*.5*.45^8

=      302,672,257     

=    1   

= .000302672257

= .03%

It doesn't sound insanely small, but to put this number in perspective, IF someone were to work five days a week for fifty two weeks per year (no vacation days or holidays off), they would drive the commute 260 days per year.  Given that, this nearly a once in twelve year occurrence.  I'm thinking I should go to AC and bet it all on RED!



Today, I received a most pleasant note.  Its contents divine, I would be remiss if I did not share with you here.

-A Salivating MSG

Monday, December 13, 2010

Sunday in Review

When I saw it live, I yelled out, "HE TRIPPED HIM!!!"  Everyone watching the play with me said I was crazy.  What now?!?

While we're on the subject of things that happened on Sunday, here's a pretty cool movie of the collapsing of the Metrodome roof under the weight of ice and snow:

In the words of a Lions fan buddy of mine discussing the weekend, "Best weekend for the Lions in ages.  Beat the Packers, take out their star quarterback, bears get decimated, metrodome goes down, and free tickets to boo Favre!"


Saturday, December 11, 2010

Staying Warm

It appears that I'm going to be putting myself in a position where I might freeze into a solid block of MSG in the next few days.  I've got several precautions planned to attempt to prevent this (as it's clearly not a desirable outcome...for me).  I'll be wearing so many layers that I'll probably look like the kid in the red coat from "A Christmas Story."  That said, it's not clear to me that it will be enough to prevent a treacherous freezing whilst sitting outside in a blizzard for three hours.

I'm looking for other suggestions to stay warm.  Unfortunately, I can not build a fire where I'll be (without being arrested that is), and I can't sneak a flask in.  Please give me ideas!  For, if I end up like the guy below, it'll be on your conscience forever...FOREVER!


Wednesday, December 8, 2010

New Million Dollar Idea

The other day, I burned my tongue on some soup due to a combination of two things: 1. It was very hot and 2. I was experiencing hunger-driven impatience.  As a result, my tongue has become the source of pain and lack of ability to truly taste what I'm eating.  Both consequences are simply intolerable.  My idea is to combine two items that on their own would not be too useful, but together could solve a lot of the world's problems.  I present to you Baloecon (Bay lo' kin) Drink.  It is a concoction comprised of aloe vera juice to soothe the tongue burn and bacon ranch dressing to incentivize the tongue to start tasting properly again.  Tell me I'm not brilliant!


Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Let's Make a Deal

Before I begin, let me direct you to 2010 NPR Exit Polls.  The result that I will focus on is the question, "Highest Priority for Next Congress?"  The results were: 39% for "Reduce Budget Deficit," 37% for "Spend to Create Jobs," and 18% for "Cut Taxes."

Having a little background information on what the ruled want, let's examine the recent deal struck by President Obama and Republican Congressional leaders.  In it, the President agreed to a two year extension of ALL Bush administration tax cuts, and in return, the GOP agreed to a thirteen month extension of unemployment benefits.  Additionally, the proposal includes a one year reduction of Social Security payroll taxes from 6.2% to 4.2%.

This begs the question, "WHAT?!?"  Did they not get the message that was for all intents and purposes stapled to their foreheads on November 2?

Deficit reduction - I don't exactly have an economics PhD, so maybe I'm incapable of understanding how this proposal can avoid adding to the deficit.  We are managing to add new spending that isn't being paid for.  Additionally, we're willing to remove funding for an already woefully underfunded program without talking about reducing benefits.  Am I missing something here?  If not, our elected officials have shown they don't have the same concerns about the deficit as the people that hired them.

Spending to create jobs - The only spending being added here is the extension of unemployment benefits.  The rationale is that the unemployed (a staggering 9.8%...although that doesn't include those who have quit looking for work) will spend more money which will increase demand for labor and thus reduce unemployment.  If we take a break from living in Fantasyville, we'll see that what's really going on is that we are paying people to not work!  That seems like a foolproof way to reduce unemployment.  The point of unemployment insurance is to help someone through a brief time of unemployment, and employers pay a premium to buy this insurance for their employees.  At the end of this extension (and I'd bet my left nut it won't be the last...there have been five already), there will be people who will have collected unemployment checks for over three years.  At this point, let's call it what it is...Subsidizing the act of not working.  This spending doesn't create jobs, so that voter concern is ignored by this portion of the compromise either.

That about covers ignoring or disregarding the top wishes of 76% of the voters.

Cutting taxes - Well, they did this.  For the record, the only taxes that were cut are the payroll taxes.  The other taxes were simply not raised.  However, that's a topic for another day.

What we've really witnessed is that each party is so concerned with implementing a small number of its policy initiatives so it can claim political victory.  Unfortunately, neither cares about the cost of the concessions it has to make.  Republicans are willing to increase the deficit and maintain higher unemployment if the prize is the preservation of tax cuts.  Democrats are willing to balloon the deficit so long as they can say that they're "helping" the unemployed.  The end result of this intense politicking is that we, the voters, have the same tax levels, higher unemployment, and more debt piled on.  Pardon me if I'm not giddy.  Why is it that each time a party gets a win, the American people lose?

Would you support a package that included a tax increase and spending cuts?
Yes - The deficit is cause for the Roseanne Barr
No - The deficit is a Roseanne Barr free polls


Monday, December 6, 2010

Fourmal Wear

A faithful reader sent me a link the other day, partially in response to "If You Touch My Junk, I'll Have You Arrested" and "Touch My Junk Redux."  It's a delightfully novel idea for one to get his or her point across about how he or she feels about having all points on his or her body groped and/or scanned.  Add in that it quotes the Constitution, and I'm sold!  Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Fourth Amendment Underwear.

*This is not meant to be a suggestion for those in Congress to facilitate their addiction to soiling the Constitution.


Sunday, December 5, 2010

Bacon Haiku

It's no secret that I love bacon.  In fact, anyone who doesn't know this (whether he or she knows me or not) has probably had his or her head in the sand ostrich style for the past couple of years.  Anyway, all too often, I take this wondrous meat and its meaty goodness for granted.  Today, however, I want to let it know how much it means to me.  What better way to display my affection than a string of Haiku?

Off to the meat aisle
When I get to the grocer
I know what I seek

Red and white marble
Your beauty is transcendent
A sight for sore eyes

Now, into the pan
Where you sizzle with valor
Edible soonly

Salty and crispy
From the pan, into my mouth
You are at your best

Each and every bite
I am thankful to know you
Oh love of my life


Saturday, December 4, 2010

Mighty Mullet Goes Plumbing

I know that I said that a cartoon would be a weekly addition to the blog, but When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary to post a cartoon because a situation arises that is too ripe for parody to ignore, I will not resist an interim sketch.  I present to you The Adventures of Mighty Mullet - Handyman.


Friday, December 3, 2010

Zeno's Paradox of Motion

Consider a runner on a track who will run 400 meters.  Before he can run 400 meters, he must pass a halfway point (200 meters).  From there, he must again pass another halfway point (100 meters).  In the final hundred meters, he must again halve the difference.  In fact, from any point on the track, he must necessarily halve the distance between that point and the finish line.  However, if he has infinitely many points he must pass before getting to the 400 meter mark, he can never get there.

Note that the 400 meters originally selected is arbitrary, and this would be true of any distance no matter how large or small.  The more interesting case comes when you consider shrinking this distance down to a centimeter, a millimeter, and smaller.  The result is that motion is itself completely impossible.

Can that be?


Thursday, December 2, 2010

The Adventures of Mighty Mullet

Today, I noticed that there are simply not enough cartoons on the blog.  As such, I've decided to try to make cartoons a weekly feature!  I apologize in advance for my lack of artism and the fact that many of the drawings will be inside jokes/characitures of people known only to fellow staffers.  That said, without further ado, I present to you the first edition of "The Adventures of Mighty Mullet!"


Wednesday, December 1, 2010

A Little Politeness, Please. Thanks.

This Thursday's contest will, as always, be geared towards becoming better people as a whole.  Thus, for Thursday, the challenge is to remember to say "please" and "thank you" EVERY TIME you make a request, whether it be written, verbal, gestured, etc.  As always, please post your transgression (in this case, omission) in the comments section.  After a week off, recall that Riday will again follow Thursday!  Good luck.