Wednesday, September 28, 2011


This morning, I took my dog into the yard to poop, pee, and play (for him to do those things, I should say).  However, being near a lake, there were mosquitoes outside.  Several bit me, which pissed me off, as I knew that I would soon be itchy.  It should be noted though that I don't lose to mosquitoes without a fight.  It's blood for blood so to speak.

Anyway, I saw one on my leg, so I clapped at it just as it started to fly away after having a little FSG Grade A positive breakfast.  Then, I opened my hands, and two truths were immediately revealed:

1. I caught the bastard.
2. The quantity of blood taken

I had to go wash my hands, as they were weren't exactly soaking in ivory liquid.

My first thought after washing my hands was, "This will probably be the only red thing I get on me today."  Oh, if I only knew what the future had in store for me.  At lunch, the person next to me was unveiling a delicious condiment (that just happens to be red), and it shot out all over my shirt!  I'm not an expert of lunch etiquette by any means, but I believe that condimentifying your eating compadre's clothing is slightly ahead of belching the alphabet (very worth watching) between salad and entree on the scale of "things that are uncouth."



  1. Clearly your co-worker didn't know the rules of etiquette.

    In increasing order of importance:
    1. Don't get any food on the table.
    2. Don't get any food on yourself.
    3. Don't get any food on your neighbor.

  2. Actually, I find your second rule to be a non-issue to the point where I would actually argue one should spill food on his or herself.

    1. It is a teriffic conversation starter.
    2. Fellow diners will be subconsiously indebted to you for not spilling on them.
    3. Depending on the consistency of the food, it can be a great way to secure a snack for a later date.
    4. Spilling on one's self is a foolproof way to create a "lucky shirt." For instance, my football team is generally the laughing stock of the NFL. This year, while tailgaiting, I spilled mustard all over it. Since that point, my team has not lost. There's clearly a causal link there!