Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Share the Sidewalk!

On my run today, I was reacquainted with a pet peeve of mine that I (thankfully) hadn't encountered in quite some time.  I am of course talking about flocks of blockheads who believe that the sidewalk exists for their existence and their existence only.  Below is a guide to dealing with this sort of irksome being.

Step 1:  Recognize them when you see them.  While walking down the street, you will see a set of at least two people that look like they desire nothing more in life than to play Red Rover with complete strangers.

Step 2:  This depends on whether you are walking in the same direction or the opposite one, as signals must be different to stimulate different senses in these inconsiderate bastard:
A.  You are behind them walking in the same direction at a quicker pace.  In this case, I find it's best to make loud noises (eg. a sneeze, a growl, or a fart *so long as it's a cheek flapper*).  If the perps still don't get the hint and move their asses, it is not only socially acceptable, but it is necessary for the rest of society to push your way between them...Bonus points if you can interrupt their conversation.
B.  You are in front of them walking in the opposite direction.  Here, you have the obligation to stimulate their visual senses as well.  Perhaps flailing your arms or staring the group down (bonus points if you're cross-eyed and can stare them all down at once).  Again, if they don't move, you have the civic duty to pass right through them like shit through a goose.

Step 3:  Wait around for your Nobel Prize.

I know we all encounter this sort of thing from time to time, so I hope the above guide helps you next time you find yourself in this irritating situation.


No comments:

Post a Comment