Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Stall Selection Revisited

Today, one of our faithful readers presented me with a mind boggling bathroom layout.  I must admit, at first, I had no idea how to approach the situation.  However, after giving it some thought, I have solved the riddle.  I present to you the miffing blueprints:

In this situation, the "true" middle stall is a place of danger, possibly even unfit for use.  Anyone tempting fate and racing the clock trying to get to a toilet in time will surely take the first stall they see (the "true" middle stall).  Thus, this stall will be ravaged on a far more regular basis than the rest.  Thus, it should NOT be used under any circumstances.  If all the other stalls are taken, your best bet is to find another restroom (or buy Depends like Elmo).

However, it is not the case that the previously discussed (ad nauseum, mind you) theory of stall selection deteriorates.  The handicrapper should be avoided for the same reasons as before.  The stall opposite that deluxe poopin office also ought to be avoided, as many would naturally assume it is the cleanest (recall the laziness instinct).

This leaves two stalls as legitimately defensible choices.  It should be noted that they are both technically middle stalls.  My advice here would be to take the one furthest from the handicrapper.  You're inevitably going to get some spillover germs from the "true" middle stall, so it comes down to which will be the cleaner of the end stalls.  It would be the non-handicrapper because it lacks the palatial qualities that draw visitors like moths to flame.

I cannot assign my usual degree of certainty to my choice since this situation is so unusual.  What do you think?


(Sorry, Stevie)


  1. Wow!! I feels like a celebrity being featured on teh blog!!!!!!11!1!

    As a user of this bathroom for the last 5 years I thought I'd offer my observations:

    "True middle" stall is usually the most clean, besides the handi. Dirtiest are usually the immediate next to handicap and next to "stall number 2" (see explanation below)

    The two I often use are true middle (which I call "stall number 1" because it's the first one I see when I walk in) and the farthest from the handicrapper (which I call "stall number 2" for another reason)

  2. Interesting how theory and practice don't line up in this case. It is important to note however that this exercise was purely academic on my part, as if I walked into a public restroom with no urinals, I'd be trying to get the Hell out of there before anyone saw me to avoid a very awkward situation.